


He Wasn't Just a Connection

by imbeccacile



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 08:37:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12908238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imbeccacile/pseuds/imbeccacile
Summary: "Look, I know you're upset over Ronnie-""This isn't about him!" Caitlin shouted suddenly, feeling her eyes begin to change to blue. "Not this time."





	He Wasn't Just a Connection

**Author's Note:**

> in which Caitlin is actually upset over Martin's death, and not only because he was her "last connection" to Ronnie.

It was late, but everyone at Star Labs was still up. 

They were working on a sort of gun. Something that could make Clifford DeVoe a little less smart than he was, so that they could take him down before anyone got hurt. Caitlin was working on the serum that would go into it, Cisco and Harry were working on the actual gun itself, and Barry was putting together a list of everything he knew about Devoe and his wife, trying to figure out what might work in what instance.

Caitlin was working slowly. Almost distractedly. The whole day, she had attributed it to exhaustion from the whole Earth X thing, but in reality, she was thinking about Martin Stein.

Cisco had known it was more than just exhaustion, because she was his best friend. But he didn't want to push it. He missed the professor too, and he was sure that if they talked about it, he wouldn't be able to hold it together.

Caitlin was grateful. She allowed herself to take her time on this serum. The longer she was concentrated on this, the longer she had her mind off of everything that had happened.

"Caitlin?" It was Barry. He was standing near her now, looking concerned. She was pretty sure he had just asked her a question.

"Sorry..." she muttered, blinking hard and glancing up to meet his gaze. "What was that?"

"I asked if you were okay," he repeated, in a low tone. Harry and Cisco were busy bickering, their backs to them, so they couldn't hear or see what Barry was saying.

"I'm fine," she replied softly, a sort of half-smile appearing on her face for a brief moment before disappearing completely again. She turned back to the serum, hoping that would be the end of it, but it seemed Barry didn't believe her. Not that she could blame him. She had always been a terrible liar.

He turned and pulled one of the swivel desk chairs over to where she was sitting, and sat across from her, looking as if he were trying to figure out what to say. "Are you...you're still thinking about Professor Stein, aren't you?"

Caitlin didn't trust herself to speak, so she nodded pathetically instead. She hadn't gotten to tell him everything she wanted to say to him before...

"I've been thinking about him, too. He was such a great mentor...He was there, after Thawne had broken our trust," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. It was obvious he missed him too. Caitlin dropped her gaze. "And I'm sure he's up there with Ronnie somewhere, and that they're happy," he continued, hoping to break through to her again. He grabbed her hand, and when she looked up he gave her a sad smile.

She didn't pull away from the touch, but she didn't reply, either. How could she? She had lost two of the most important people in her life. Who would be next? Cisco? Barry? Harry?

Barry was quiet for a long time then. Caitlin had started to cry, silent tears rolling down her face at the mention of her husband, of her soulmate, and the thought that he may be happy, wherever he was. But there was more to it than just that.

"Caitlin, hey," Barry said soothingly, squeezing her hand, "It'll be alright. Look, I know you're upset about Ronnie-"

"It's not about him!" she shouted suddenly, pulling away from him, feeling her eyes begin to change to blue. "Not this time!"

Barry stared at her in complete shock.

She realized she was losing control, and was very aware that Barry, Cisco, and Harry were all staring at her. She shut her eyes and took a shaky breath, shaking her head as more tears escaped. "It's...not about Ronnie this time," she repeated, softer, and when she opened her eyes again they were their regular brown. Cisco had come over and was now standing beside Barry, where the two of them exchanged a concerned look.

"You...you have to understand th-that I didn't exactly have the best relationship with the Professor at f-first," she started slowly, after a moment to compose herself again, "At first I was angry at Professor Stein for keeping Ronnie from me, but I realized later th-that it wasn't exactly his fault. And it turned out, we actually got along much better than I initially thought. Which was a good thing, considering he wouldn't be going away as l-long as he was connected to Ronnie."

Barry and Cisco exchanged another look, then waited for her to continue. They had no idea where this was going. Caitlin would have laughed at their cluelessness if she wasn't so upset.

"Anyway, the three of us...we all bonded together. It was like we were a big family, you know? Like...Like we could do anything, a-as long as we were together. And of course, you two." She gestured vaguely at the two men in front of her.

"When Ronnie died, I...Professor Stein and I bonded even more than I thought possible. He was there for me, like my father never was." She sniffed, looking down at her lap. "I loved him just like I loved Ronnie. And I never really got to tell him that." She reached up, wiping lightly at her eyes. Everyone thought she was upset only because he reminded her of Ronnie, and that he was her last real connection to him. That wasn't true, and she needed to make that known. For Martin's sake.

Cisco pulled her to her feet, drawing her close for a hug. Barry blinked tears of his own away. Harry clenched his fists, but continued to work and give them privacy.

"...Hey."

The four of them turned, surprised to see a figure in the doorway.

"Jax." It was Barry who found his voice first, shock in his voice evident in his face, too. Caitlin pulled away from Cisco, red eyes meeting the other pair of red eyes. Jax smiled faintly, rubbing the back of his neck as he stepped into the room.

"Hope I'm not interruptin' or anything..." he began, gaze lingering on Caitlin's for a long time before breaking to look at the others. 

"No, no, of course not," she replied, shaking her head as she took a step forward. She was glad to see him. He had to know what she was feeling the most.

"It's just, I...I couldn't sleep, an-and I'm goin' back to the Waverider tomorrow, so I thought I'd come, y'know, say goodbye."

"Well, you're welcome to stay. We're not anywhere near being finished. Mi casa es tu casa, alright?" Cisco pointed at Jax with a small grin, making Barry and Jax both chuckle softly.

"That'd be great, thanks," he replied, meeting Caitlin's gaze again. She smiled sadly, and knew they were communicating silently. The grief was keeping both of them up, and keeping both of them from feeling whole again. Barry walked over to Jax, placed a hand on his shoulder, and then returned to his work. Cisco went back over to Harry, and Caitlin gestured to the chair beside her, where Jax gratefully sank into it. The room was silent for a long time, besides quiet fighting between Cisco and Harry.

"So, uh...what're you working on?" Jax asked softly, having watched Catilin work for a long time.

"A degenerative serum. We're after a man with extraordinary brainpower, and the only way to take him out is to make sure he can't predict our next moves," she explained, looking up to meet his gaze. There was something in Jax's eyes besides the sadness. He knew they had just been talking about the professor. Who knew how long he had been eavesdropping.

"Cool," he said, looking a bit impressed, leaning back in the chair. Silence fell again. He rubbed his nose. Then, a moment later, his eyes. Caitlin pretended like she hadn't noticed, though she knew what he was going through. To lose your other half was something she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy. She hadn't even plucked up the courage to visit Clarissa and Lily yet. Jax was stronger than anyone else she knew, at this moment.

Even if he was just barely holding it together.

Hours passed, and it was getting close to sunrise. Cisco had fallen asleep in his own swivel chair, Barry was yawning, and even Harry's movements had turned sluggish. Caitlin and Jax had continued soft conversation in order to stay awake, which seemed to work, as they were still talking about nothing by the time the clock struck 6 am.

"I better head out. I have to get to the police station in an hour," Barry sighed, walking over to where Caitlin and Jax were sitting. Both of them stood, Barry embracing Jax first. "Good luck out there, man," he said, hugging the younger man tightly. Jax nodded against his shoulder.

"You too," he replied, and they pulled away with a shared, faint smile. Barry then turned to Caitlin, who embraced him first.

"I'm sorry I yelled," she whispered into his ear, and he just held her tighter.

"It's alright," he whispered back, "I just...didn't realize how much you were hurting. We'll get through this, together." She nodded, and soon he let go, sending Harry a small grin before speeding out of the lab.

Harry sort of saluted at the two of them, gesturing to Cisco. "I'm gonna leave him, so he's confused when he gets up. See you later." And with that, he was gone too.

Caitlin cleared her throat, turning to face Jax. "What time are the Legends picking you up?"

"Dunno," he replied with a shrug, "Sometime this morning. Probably soon, actually. I think the team's missin' me."

She actually smiled a little, holding her arms out. "I'm not surprised." Gratefully, he moved into her embrace, and they stood there for a long time without speaking. It was Jax who finally broke the silence.

"Thanks," he mumbled into her shoulder, "I needed a distraction from...everything."

She shook her head a little. "Funny. I was going to say the same thing."


End file.
